Friday, April 26, 2013

Moms vs Moms

What kind of Mom are you? A MOM!

I recently read two different blogs with what appear to be different outlooks on Mothers.   After I read the first Awesome Mom's on iPhones. I thought, “Yes we shouldn’t be so hard on Mom’s they are busy not to mention we don’t know their story!” I then read the second Dear Mom With an iPhone and my eyes were filled with tears.  I realized that really the two stories tell one, the story of being a Mom in today’s world.  I battle it daily many of you have read my failures and sometimes, though they may be brief, successes.  PTO, sports mom, part time, full time or no job it is the same for us all. Trying to find the right balance of spending real time with your kids and still fitting in all the other stuff.

Our struggle to be perfect in the eyes of society is the great battle of this generation of Moms. We feel we should be able to do it all. It used to be that Mom’s stayed home and cared for the family and that was enough. Then came the career women and the thought that staying home wasn’t enough.  Today many Moms’ are choosing to go back to the “old fashion” ways and stay home with their kids. It is different though because they have an underling feeling that they should be doing more.  If you stay home, you should either work from home, part time or nights. If not you should be volunteering to uphold your role in society.  I have heard one Mom say, “I am home so I should be doing more for school than those that work.” Why? Those that work pay someone to do what you do all day with your kids. I am guilty for falling into this misconception too. I want to be super Mom. Not to mention it feels good when someone says. “You did a great job organizing that fundraiser, how do you get that all done when you have 5 kids?” Thus my constant checking of emails to be sure I respond promptly.  It is easy to lose perspective on WHY I chose to stay home. I want to watch them smile and “spin in their dresses” as the second author says. I want to look at their art work and listen to their stories about something I may not really be interested in. You never know when you will catch a glimpse of a Vango or when the day may come that you will want to know their stories and they won’t care to share

 Do I think a mom should never be on an I-phone or have time to herself?  No. It is technology that has allowed so many Moms’s to have a piece of both worlds and the chance to still be there for those moments. I know how refreshing it is to have a conversation with an adult every now and then. Not to mention that Mom may be texting her teenager. Even though I don’t have a fancy phone we all find our distractions. I am as guilty as the next: “Uh huh I see”, when I don’t.  Just a minute honey, I’ll look when I get done with this email”, and I forget.  I can’t do it right now I am too busy getting dinner ready. Gabbing to a friend at a game and missing a great catch. Is it the end of the world? No. But it is their world and it those moment pass quickly. Don’t throw away your I-Phone yet, just work on the balance of it all. We many times miss those simple joys because we are too busy tackling the next big event and remember if those other things don’t get done it isn’t the end of the world either. Looking amazing in the eyes of others means nothing if you miss your opportunity to be amazing in the eyes of your family.  

What is the perfect balance?  I don’t know and will likely never know.  What I do know is I have watched my husband’s stress melt away for a moment when he arrives home and the kids run to him, hug and tell them their stories and he listen intently.  So I think as Moms we need to realize that even though our days are dedicated to caring for our children and families we need to allow ourselves those moments to enjoy them because there is a difference. You see the compliments of being a good Mom come in a different package, they are the tiny moments. We may find that those stories and cartwheels give us the break we are looking for from the 24 hour job of being a Mom.

So let peace be had on both sides, the moms on the iPhone and those playing on the swings.  I can relate to both, I have been both! Remember we are all on the same team. We are the generation striving to be the best at it all and when or if someone figures out the right balance PLEASE let me know!

Until then get your work done, get your chores done, be a good employee, friend and volunteer but also take time to run barefoot in the grass, play chase, and watch them go down the slide yet another time.  Take a minute to smell that weed/flower that is brought to you.  You may find that the scent may actually bring YOU peace and enjoyment, just like it does your child.

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